A Path Between: Spiritual formation begins with yourself and ends in community.
Joy equals Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last. I learned this
formula as a child and it sounded good. Other language used to talk and
sing about the spiritual life confirmed this theology: Deny yourself.
Crucify the flesh. Kill the “old self.” Forget about yourself and
concentrate on Him.
Some of these lines come out of the Bible, but I’m not sure the
emphasis was always particularly biblical. It led to self-flagellation
as an expression of piety and self-hatred masquerading as humility. It
often paralyzed my spiritual growth rather than nurturing it.
Maybe it was just the unique problem of my particular “kleine gemeinde”
background, but I think that other Mennonites and evangelicals in
general have wrestled with this dilemma as well.
On the other hand, our society tells us to do the opposite: Look out
for number one. Look after yourself first. I’m king of the world. I did
it my way. The free market economy and the media bombard us with these
messages on a daily basis. We live in a society that trumpets the
rights of the individual. Western psychologists have told us that the
highest good is self-actualization. Is this the only alternative, or
can we find a path between self-deprecation and narcissism?
Spiritual formation begins with the self and ends in community for the
glory of God. Why should spiritual formation begin by focusing on the
self? To be “spiritually formed” we are formed into the likeness of
Christ (Rom. 8:29; Col. 3:10); that is our goal in the individual
Christian life, but how does it begin?
The greatest commandment is to love God (Deut. 6:5; Matt. 22:36-37).
The human quest is to know God, to find ultimate meaning in life, a
higher purpose for being. Genesis 1:27 says that we are created in the
image of God thus it follows that we get to know a small part of what
God is like when we get to know our selves. Each one of us reflects one
small dimension of the personality of God. Since we are created in the
image of God, to know God and to love God is to love our selves, to
accept our selves the way God has made us to be.
The second commandment is to “love your neighbour as yourself” (Matt.
22:39). We cannot love our neighbour as ourselves unless we love our
selves first!
To get to know our selves and accept ourselves, we must also begin to
discover who we are, who God has created us to be. This is a journey of
self-discovery that takes some time. We are all different, it is not
how different we are or exactly how God has made us that matters most;
it is what we do with what God has given us.
The best way to discover who God has made us to be is the process of
reflection. Reflection can involve experimentation with various roles,
prayer, journaling and times of silence and solitude as well as
listening to mentors, family and friends. This reflection on the self
may be heightened during our younger years but it is a process that
continues throughout life.
God has created us unique individuals with unique personalities, but we
are never finished products. There’s a saying, “God loves us so much he
accepts us just the way we are but God loves us too much to leave us
that way.” God has called us to change, not to change into someone we
are not, but to become more and more who we really are, who God created
and called us to be.
The Greek word translated “transform” in Romans 12:2 also gives us the
word metamorphosis. Metamorphosis is an apt illustration for spiritual
formation. The caterpillar seems not to even resemble its former self
when it spreads its wings as a butterfly, yet it is the same creature.
It has become completely itself. So it is for us, when we are
transformed by the Spirit of Christ, we truly become our selves, who we
were created to be.
I believe that there are too many people in our churches who have never
come to terms with who they are and therefore are unaware that they are
unhealthily preoccupied with themselves in their relationships with God
and others.
Because they have not learned to love themselves as image-bearers of
God they are unable to genuinely love their neighbour. By facing our
own selves along with our shadows and blemishes, by being honest with
God and ourselves about who we are, we create opportunities for
authentic relationships of depth and health.
This is sometimes a very difficult thing to do, but until we do, we
will (often unconsciously) continue to be too preoccupied with
ourselves. In other words, to get the focus off of our selves and onto
others, we must begin by intentionally focusing on our selves.
The focus on the self is not for the sake of the self; it is for the
sake of God. Bernard of Clairvaux, a monk and spiritual leader of the
12th century, has helpfully delineated four degrees of love: Love self
for the sake of self, love God for the sake of self, love God for the
sake of God and—the highest—love self for the sake of God.
As we grow in our love for God we grow in love and acceptance of our
selves the way God has created us in love. This is not prideful or
narcissistic; it is true humility, seeing our selves as God sees us in
Christ.
To focus on our self does not mean we do so in isolation. We need each
other. It is impossible to develop an individual identity alone. We
need others to find out who we are: To compare ourselves, to hear from
others, to interact, to learn from each other, to be challenged by
those who are different from us.
The purposes of God are not realized primarily through individual
spiritual growth; they are realized through the in-breaking of God’s
reign into our communities and our world. Our personal formation is for
the sake of God and others, which brings us back to where we started!
True joy comes from beginning with your self in the context of
community for the sake of God and others.
As Parker Palmer has said, “Self care is never a selfish act--it is
simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on
earth to offer to others. Anytime we can listen to the true self and
give it the care it requires, we do so not only for ourselves, but for
the many others whose lives we touch.”
Spiritual formation begins by focusing on our self but it ends in
joyful communion with God, others and creation. The goal of spiritual
formation is not self fulfillment but harmonious relationship; its end
is the embrace of the Other: God, our enemy, our family, our neighbor
and all of creation.
Gareth Brandt is professor of theology and spirituality at Columbia
Bible College and lives with his wife Cyndy and their 4 children in
Abbotsford, B.C.
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