When I Walk into the Room: Confessions of a Burden-Bearer -- by Eric H Janzen

 As I approached the door I scanned the amount of vehicles parked outside the house, which told me there were a lot of people inside. I rang the door bell could hear laughter and voices in conversation, all the sounds you would expect to hear from an ongoing party. The door opened and as I was invited in I inwardly sighed, “Here we go.” I walked into the room, looked for a seat in a corner, sat down, and began attempting not to feel. This never works, and by the time I left the party I was feeling a vast range of emotions that I knew would eventually wash into one of feeling weary and tired. “I hate parties,” I told myself.

 The above is a true scenario replayed many times in my life. It describes many of my experiences being in groups of large people. It was not until I was in my mid-twenties that I would discover language for this problem. I had no understanding of why I was affected in this way when in groups of people. I coped as best I could, which to be honest was not well. The problem, it turned out, was that I was a burden-bearer and a keen discerner, but did not know it.

 Not knowing led me to become a solitary man. I enjoy being alone, perhaps an oddity to some, but for me it is a refuge. Not knowing, however, also led to some serious problems. I struggled with depression for years, and still do sometimes. I became intensely cynical of others, distrusting, and wanted to have very little to do with people. My emotional health suffered greatly as I rode conflicting waves of what I felt from those around me in the midst of my own very strong emotions. This would leave me inwardly exhausted and mysteriously angry. In short, not knowing was not a good thing. My response, or more properly said, my reaction was to avoid people, judge them, and to hide from them as much as possible.

 I first learned about burden-bearing when I began to attend Samuel's Mantle, a prophetic school headed by Murray Dueck. It was here that I would discover what burden-bearing was and what life was like for those with the gift. I began to feel a great sense of relief as well. I was not crazy and there was a very real reason for some of my problems. Now the process of healing could begin, for I would learn how to not only live with my gifting, but how to properly respond to it.

 When I walk into the room I am quickly affected by what others are feeling. Imagine it like this: there is a radar antenna in your spirit that picks up the signals others are emitting. The data comes in the form of feelings and emotions first. Now imagine how many different signals come hurtling towards you from a room full of people, and not just one from each, but multiple signals. It is easy to see how this can be overwhelming. The longer I am in a room filled with people the more I pick up on and the more of the feelings of others I begin to carry. Burden-bearers often express this overwhelmed state as “feeling heavy.” Without a proper response to the burdens and pain of others this is the inevitable overall feeling, but it is an evitable state.

 Feeling and picking up the burdens of others is what I call the initial response. It is the raw emotional data burden-bearers begin with. When I walk into the room as a burden-bearer it works like this: I pick up from others their pain; their wounds, their anger, their frustration, their fear, etc... These are examples of what lie nearest the surface of the heart, even though we think they are the secret pains we hide deeply. What is deeper is far different, but we will discuss that in a little while.

 One of two major spiritual signals I pick up on is the pain of others. The second group that my antenna picks up on is more insidious and it causes me to trip up more than the first: judgments. Understanding how this functions is extremely important for burden-bearers, so let me see if I can describe it clearly. When I walk into a room, I need to sort out two aspects of judgment that affect me. First, there are the judgments people make against themselves. These have very real power in a person's spirit. Imagine those who have judged themselves to be “losers.” This is how they view themselves and on a spiritual level it is as though they have put up a sign reading “Loser.” When a burden-bearer picks up on this judgment the initial response is not, “That person thinks of himself/herself as a loser,” but rather they feel what the sign reads: “Loser.” In a very real way the burden-bearer is drawn into that judgment and their initial response will be “That person is a loser.” An opinion of others is quickly formed, as we all know, and if we stop at the initial response we will leave feeling that the person is indeed a loser. Judgment has led to judgment.

 The second type of judgment I pick up on are those imposed on a person by others. This aspect of judgment is so damaging it can only be described as cruel. It works like this, in keeping with our loser theme: Imagine a person who is judged by another as being “a loser.” What happens spiritually is that this judgment becomes a sign posted over the judged person that reads “Loser.” Wherever they go this sign follows. When I walk into the room I will feel this judgment and again my initial response will be, “That person is a loser.” Every time this judgment is affirmed by others in the spirit it is reinforced. The letters on the sign become bolder, louder if you will. The ultimate and cruel result is that the person so judged will, at some point, come to believe the judgments made against them. Then that judgment gains a power that will both lead to self judgment and even serve to fulfill it in some way. Our imaginary loser will begin to behave like a loser. This can be heard when someone says something like “Well everyone thinks I'm a loser, it must be true,” or “Everyone thinks I'm a hopeless addict… might as well get high.” Judgments defeat the human spirit.

 Remember what I said about picking up on the surface of the heart. This is exactly where judgments sit, covering over the truth that God speaks about a person. If as a burden-bearer I stop at the initial response, seeing only what is on the surface of the heart, I am not truly operating in the gift of burden-bearing. Rather, I become a judge perpetuating the vicious cycle of judgment itself. Similarly, if I carry away the pain and burdens of others and never do anything about it, I become nothing more than an embittered dumping ground instead of operating in the actual gift of burden-bearing. A deeper response is needed.

 This deeper response requires looking further than what is on the surface of another's heart. It requires a deeper understanding of how burden-bearing is meant to function, and it requires the help of the Holy Spirit. This deeper response is not complicated, thankfully. What is difficult is not being overwhelmed by the burdens of others and not allowing judgments to have the last word. The response of Jesus to us is always rooted in love. It is his love that burden-bearers turn to and allow to flow through their gifting.

 When I walk into the room and I pick up on a judgment against someone there are two primary questions I have learned to ask the Holy Spirit. The scenario might go something like this: “Lord this person feels like a 'loser' to me” (this is the initial response). “Can you show me the treasure that is deeper in their heart?” With this simple request I begin to operate in my gift. First, I have engaged with Jesus instead of engaging with the judgment. Second, I am moving past the surface of what the person's heart is covered over with. Third, I am allowing the Holy Spirit to show me how he values the person instead of allowing myself to be drawn into the devaluing effect of the judgment. I am no longer in danger of participating in judgment, but move to a place of being able to bless the person. This leads very naturally into the next question, “Lord, how do you see this person?” I give Jesus the final word about others and in so doing, I get to see the truth about them. I have ministered to many people simply by sharing with them what Jesus has shared with me about the treasure he sees in their heart and how he views them. His words about people disarms the power of judgment and allows truth to overcome labels that are so often lies. Another question to ask could be, “Lord how do you feel about his person?” Such questions can so profoundly shift the burden-bearer's initial response to someone that they wonder how they could have responded that way in the first place.

 When dealing with the pain, wounds and burdens of others I have come to understand that I cannot carry them for too long. Christ alone can bear our burdens fully. When I walk into the room and I begin to take on burdens I believe that this eases their own burdens to some degree. Their pain is made somewhat lighter in a sense. But I am not meant to carry that pain perpetually. The ultimate destination for burdens is into the hands of Jesus.

 Bearing the burdens of others opens two powerful avenues of ministry to the person. I am able to pray for them with insight, for the gift reveals what ministry the person needs. This is where burden-bearing and other gifts of the Spirit begin to mix. It may become a word of knowledge or a prophetic message that directly addresses the burden. My practice in these times is to ask the Lord if what I am feeling and sensing is something he wants me to speak to the person about. If he says yes then I ask to pray for them and share what he has been showing me. If he says no, then I know that this is a burden that I will carry to him in intercession. When I carry such a burden to Jesus, I lift it up to him and ask that he take it. As he does, I ask that the person I picked it up from would receive from Jesus his love and what they need for that particular burden. Responding in these ways results in powerful ministry. This deeper response allows the gift of burden-bearing to operate as it is meant to and prevents burden-bearers from falling into the traps of the initial responses.

 Life is not as neat and tidy as we would like it to be. What can really cause problems for burden-bearers is the overloading of their spirits with the generalized pain of others. This often happens when there is no opportunity to identify what burdens are coming from where and there is no time to take to speak with Jesus about what is happening. The longer I am in the midst of a large group of people the worse this generalized burden bearing becomes. This often leads to me wanting to leave parties and gatherings a little earlier than my wife would like, but thankfully she understands what is happening within me.

 Most burden-bearers can also probably identify with this general feeling of sadness and weariness. They will feel it when they are finally alone at home. At these times I have found that if I pray for the Lord to receive any burdens I have picked up and to minister to each, he cleanses my spirit of the overload. I close this cleansing prayer by asking for peace and the burden of Jesus, which he promises will be light. This practice of cleansing prayer is something that I do a few times a week to prevent burdens from remaining in my hands for too long lest they overwhelm my heart. When I neglect this practice, it does not take long for me to realize that I need to do it.

 For many burden-bearers the gift is a difficult one. It may even seem like a curse. Many people learn a little later in their lives that they have it, but by that time it has caused pain for them as well as confusion. I received very deep healing as I released years of burden-bearing to Jesus when I came to understand that I had this gift. The weight that lifted from my spirit was incredible, and I encourage anyone who thinks they may be a burden-bearer to find out so they can give what they carry into the proper hands. Though the gift is not an easy one to have, it can be an incredibly powerful way that Christ ministers to others through us. Though at times I still find myself overwhelmed, I now know that I have an opportunity to bring the love and ministry of Jesus with me when I walk into the room.

Comments

[Eric H Janzen]

@ grayc knight

Glad you found something to connect with in the article. The best book I know of currently on burden bearing and being a sensor/feeler, as it also sometimes called, is by Murray Dueck and it is titled 'Keepers of the Presence'. Murray leads a prophetic training school called Samuel's Mantle. Pretty sure his book would be available on their web site, which is samuelsmantle.com. I read the book and kept saying things like 'Yes, that's it!' and 'Yep, I get that.' I also know Murray and know that he has really walked through the burden bearing trek in his own life. Check it out if you want. If you discover any other good books please let me know.

cheers,
eric h janzen

[grayc knight]

WOW I identify with this I would like to learn more.

[Eric H Janzen]

Dear Sean,
Happy face back at you! What a blessing to read your comment. It was for fellow believers like you that I wrote the article. Spiritually sensitive people often have the same experience as you and I want affirm for you that are not alone and that it is indeed a gift. May Jesus guide you to some fellow believers who 'get' it and can offer you some community. We are out there...

I wrote this article some time ago now and I am amazed at how many people it has touched since that time.

Humbled,
eric h janzen

[Sean]

I'm not crazy! Christians really do get it!
Hi my name is Sean I'm 26 and have grown up in the church as a missionary's kid.
I grew away from G-d in my teen years and only just came back to him truly within the last few months with many periods of trying to be luke warm since i was about hmm 13-14. I can say that a huge part of my whole problem with G-d had been not dealing with being a burden bearer as G-d would have me do because i never knew that there was any one out there who believed as i do and had experienced this. Tonight is the first time in my whole life where i have ever read anything written by any one person from a christian perspective that truly gets it. one of the major reasons i've had issues with christian and indeed organized western religion before this moment was indeed the same major reason that i was atracted to other believe systems and/or drowning my gift in substance abuse, that before tonight only my pagan friends got me. only those living in spiritual darkness could recognize any semblance of truth and tell me "Sean you're not crazy, this is a gift." but not tonight! tonight i know that there are believers who rejoice by my side and pray as i do. who suffer as i do and whose hearts r broken as mine is. i am not alone. i am not the only one called and burdened with such alone. G-d has shone me that i have peers. Happy-Face!

[Colleen Fox]

Hi Eric,
I have only just found out and accept that I am a Bureden Bearer, people who know me have said I am psycic and even a real psycic told me a few years ago that I had a gift. I have prophetic dreams and have always been able to communicate on a deep level with people. I have had a big life and I work as a security guard dealing with sometimes violent folk. I feel I have been protected from harm on occasions but have always suffered from some of your described experiences also. Today I found a gold cross I have carried around for years probably from one of my children. I put it on today because now I feel I can and I am more than worthy, walking through the shopping centre I felt so proud I wanted everyone to notice this cross I feel like a new woman and my life has only just begun. Thankyou and I would love to tell you my story one day.
Colleen

[Eric H Janzen]

Sometimes when we give up a burden and it remains with us it means that God is asking us to carry it for a little while. When we carry another person's burden it eases the pain and pressure within their spirit and may make it easier for them to go through some healing. When this happens we need to pray a few times throughout the day to see if it is time to have that burden removed. The other possibility is that some burdens touch on similar pain in our own hearts. This is why burden bearers are better off being self aware and willing to deal with their own pain and issues. To successfully walk in this gifting you have to be willing to receive the healing of Jesus in your own life...otherwise, as most burden bearer's know, life can be very heavy and difficult.
Hope that sparks some more answers for you I_S.
cheers,
eric h janzen

[I_S]

Eric, thank you for writing this article...I only just found this website today but already the writings in here I can see are pretty...intense.

You say that burden-bearing is a gift...I never knew this. I am currently a first-year student at Trinity Western University, but that doesn't mean I am a super good christian or anything...

I do have a question though. What if you can't get rid of the burden? So many times my friends will come up to me and ask for help...And I LOVE helping people. I would take a bullet for the random stranger sitting across the room from me at a coffee shop, simply because I hate seeing people hurting. It kills me to see someone hurt.

You say we are to give it up to God. But what if we can't? what if we try to give it up but we still feel the burden when we are alone? And how do we know if it is our own hurt we are feeling or if it is the hurt of someone else that we haven't given up to God yet?

Thank you so much for writing this article... it cleared up quite a few things for me.

[Philbe]

It was so great to read your article - I too have the burden bearing gift and only discovered 8 years ago what it was and how to use it. Its so fascinating to find others who have gone through similar experiences. As a child I found life very hard going and my teenage years were so confusing as I rtried to sift through my own thoughts and fears and those of others. But recently as God has really done loads in me I have learnt how to use the gift God has given me and now there are time when I can choose to connect with it and times when I can turn it off - which has been a huge blessing to me. My heart is to bring God's love, freedom and healing to people's lives and I thank God that he has gifted me in this way.

So thank you for writing the article its great to hear ther are others out there moving in this gift!

[Tairngir]

I have also come accross a personality type theory which I found to be quite insightful into the way I process and deal with stimulus. It's called the Myers-Briggs personality type indicator. http://www.personalitypage.com/home.html is a good site that explains the different types.

[Brad]

Great book for you Mary: "The Highly Sensitive Person" which is from a more secular approach. It is sort of the original great book when this personality type was first discovered.

You might also check out chapter 6 in my book, "Can You Hear Me?" entitled "Meeting God to intercede" ... there are a few good tips in there that I learned from Murray Dueck and Eric McCooeye.

[Mary]

I have to say its pretty incredible to read this and gain some insight to myself. After having a rough weekend in a family reunion I remembered I had read this article a couple of months ago and came back to this, for I felt so overwhelmed by the critical and judging air around me. I have always had a hard time being around a large group of people and find myself to be very quiet in those settings normally. Would you recommend any other steps or books to gain more understanding with this?

Thank you so much.
Mary

[Tairngir]

You have no idea how amazingly timed me reading this article is. I have been in such a dark place recently and I was seriously considering going to the doctors with depression. I couldn't explain to anyone what I've been feeling cause it wasn't any one thing everything just felt really heavy.
I work as a carer for adults with mental disabilities and have found the job incredibly difficult recently not because the job itself was too hard it was because I felt emotionally overwhelmed every day.
I can't thank you enough Eric for sharing this. Your message has renewed my hope.

God bless
Ross

[Amy]

Oops, misread who posted what. I agree with Kaitlin's thanks, and relate to de's scenario!

[Amy]

I agree with Anonymous - as I was reading, I just thought, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

I first heard the basic burden bearer teaching in the last few years, and it was such a relief to me. This article goes even deeper, and especially significant for me was telling of your [Eric's] deep relief after releasing the past years of burden bearing. I hadn't ever thought to do that, yet have been dragging around this canyon-sized load of pain and anger, mistakenly thought to be all mine! Much of it is not, I believe Jesus told me. Spent some time with Him on that this evening.

I so relate to the scenario you describe, Kaitlin. What comes to mind is the Galatians verse on burden bearing, and how it fulfills the law of Christ. Is that law this one (?): "A new command I give you, that you love one another." As burden bearers, walking in this gift through the Holy Spirit, we're wired to love people this way! Such a relief, because I too agonize over my perceived lack of love, yet desire it greatly. This is such a natural way for me to love people.

Thank you. Blessing.

[de]

Thank you Eric,

Funny, I was in the store yesterday and as I waited in line I could hear two young women talking about every-day normal stuff, work, school etc…but I heard something else too. I heard “I’m fat, I hate this... etc"
I felt shame, rage, depression and fear.
A pressure started to build and I began to cry inside until I couldn’t hold my breath any longer (that usually works)and some tears surfaced.
I tried the; “Oh these allergies are really bugging me today” thing, (I think maybe it worked)

As I was leaving I suddenly felt angry… “I can’t even go into a store and buy cheese!”

The biggest challenge for me is to know in my knower, ‘do I love people? do I really have love in my heart to give? I say this because I’ve spent a lot of time trying to ‘survive’ people… on certain days, everything in me wants to run as fast as I can to the nearest beach and I pray “Please God…don’t let anyone talk to me” Pretty spiritual huh? What I’ve really been longing for, is to love people. But instead I’ve always felt I needed to hide in some way.
What you’ve written here makes so much sense and so thank you for writing it. I’m going to begin training @ Samuels Mantle in Sept and I’m looking forward to learning more.
Peace.

[Kaitlin]

Thank you so much for writing this. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[Eric H Janzen]

Hey Anonymous,
Glad you enjoyed the article. As to your question about fear I can only give some possible answers. I didn't touch on it in the article, but often we are most sensitive to those burdens we carry personally. In your case it may mean that you yourself have a root of fear in your heart that is all your own, which needs care and healing. This root would make you sensitive to the fear in others and when you carry the fear burdens of others it will amplify your own fear making yours seem larger than it really is. I don't know if this is your case or not, but it might be something for you to check on just to be sure. What I certainly do know is that Christ's desire for you is to live free from fear and not to carry fear with you in any constant way. A burden of fear once released should not leave any residue with you. Let me know what happens.

After we release the burdens of others to Jesus and have prayed for them, prayed our cleansing prayer, and should be burden free there may be what feel like burdens still. This is a good opportunity to talk to Jesus about our own hearts and to welcome his ministry in our own lives.

cheers,
eric

[anonymous]

Thank you Eric, this is helpful.
A question though, i find that the signals i pick up are pain and fear, the Lord has helped me in dealing better with the pain signals, but i find i am constantly overwhelmed by fear. It doesn't matter how much excellent information i have about fear, or even that the Lord says not to fear, it is with me all of the time.
In these days it is easy to understand the prevalence of it - but my response seems like burden bearing gone wrong. I do attempt to leave these things in His care.
What are your thoughts?