Why I Said, "YET" by Brad Jersak

Amazing the firestorm that one word creates. Hence, the Apostle James’ exhortation to tame the tongue which, though small, can be the spark that ignites a forest fire. And again his warning that not many should be teachers for the greater judgment they will incur. Take my last outing on the television talk show, “It’s a New Day.” We were just winding down a final segment on exclusion versus embrace within the church.

I was highlighting the difference between refusing and rejecting when I chose gay marriage as an example. I argued that while the majority of Canadian churches may oppose same-sex blessings, the contempt and vitriolic rhetoric that we had shown in the Bill C-38 debate has no place among Christian disciples. I apologized to the gay community for the way that we had reacted—for being “jackasses” when we failed to show the love of Christ—and I invited them to come to God’s open table at my church. I implored homosexuals to be gracious with ministers like me who are not at a place where we can marry gay people yet…

Yet?

Why did I say, “Yet”?

I winced inwardly. I could not see her, but I could definitely FEEL my wife wince. I felt colleagues, parishioners, and longstanding supporters across Canada wince in that moment. “Why did he say, ‘yet’?” My first thought was, “Maybe they can edit this segment out.” That was my second thought too. I suggested it. “No,” they said, “we’ll leave it as is. It’ll be fine.” I reviewed what I had said with them and we agreed that we could stand by it. I was not endorsing gay marriage—I was simply welcoming the gay community and apologizing for some of the venom we had allowed ourselves in the culture wars. And that just happens to be where I’m at in this stage of my faith journey.

But why did I say, “Yet”? That’s when the emails started to arrive. I’m pleased to say that every one of them was truly kind. Concern was expressed—sometimes deep concern—but without any of the seething heat or fear-mongering that I’d witnessed leading up to the parliamentary vote. The tone was genuine Christian gentleness (yes, it still exists out there), even if it reflected in part the fact that committed opponents of Bill C-38 had the wind knocked out of them. I hope this represents a new humility in the land rather than pent up rage. What most of the letters shared in common was the question: “Why did you say you aren’t prepared to do gay weddings YET?” It’s a fair question.

I guess “yet” sounds like I’m open to or even planning to marry homosexuals and lesbians eventually. It’s kind of a timeline word, isn’t it? It implies that I haven’t and I’m not… but some day? Is that what “yet” means? Many of my best friends have followed me pretty far out onto some extremely long limbs, but there’s no way they can go there. For some, it throws my whole discernment into question. If my judgment is that shady, perhaps we ought to second guess a whole lot of what I’ve taught in recent years.

Yeah… maybe. In fact, doesn’t the apostle Paul say “Test ALL things and hang on [only] to the good stuff.” But let me share honestly why “YET” emerged spontaneously from my mouth.

As an idealistic young fundie entering the ministry nearly twenty years ago, I made some very strong “NEVER” statements about marriage. “I will NEVER marry a believer to an unbeliever. I will NEVER marry people who are living together unless they separate until the wedding. I will NEVER counsel a couple to divorce.” Pretty sure of myself. One of those statements was, “I will NEVER remarry a divorced person. Jesus said it was adultery.” Shortly after that I added the exception clause, “… expect in the case of unfaithfulness.” And then after further study, I concluded that “anyone who is in Christ is a new creature; old things have passed away [like pre-conversion divorces] and behold, all things have become new.” I saw God’s offer of a redemptive second chance to those who needed a fresh start. Before long, I was seeing the concessions in 1 Corinthians 7 where we’re told not to marry, not to divorce, and not to remarry… but if you do, you haven’t sinned. And so the list grew, expanding further to give space for those who had been in abusive marriages. And then the definition of “abuse” began growing to include everything up to and including yelling or basic neglect.

Ultimately, in spite of Jesus’ very conservative stance on divorce and remarriage, the church in Canada has opted for a practice, which however gracious, is not what I see in the Gospels. We’ve said to ourselves, Better to stand before God some day hearing, “You erred on the side of grace,” than to hear a rebuke like those reserved for the Pharisees of Jesus’ day. Right? I think so.

Still, in practice it’s difficult to tell when these changes were a result of carefully following the Spirit’s guidance into grace and when we’re simply caving to the pressures of the broader Canadian culture. This I know for sure: Whether by God’s wisdom or the world’s pressure, my “Never” had morphed into a “Not yet.” My hard line now made room for concessions that realistically nod to our capacity to fail AND/OR God’s ability to redeem.

And how was the fruit? Okay, I suppose. I cheered on some fantastic new marriages, grieved through some excruciating divorces, thanked God for some really redemptive re-marriages, and felt the despair of enough major disasters… nothing that the grace of God couldn’t redeem, but not much that the world couldn’t duplicate either. I wondered, “After saying NEVER, if the church can justify a divergence this far from Jesus on something He addressed directly, how can we say NEVER on something like homosexuality which He didn’t address even once?” I lost my taste for “Never” and my trust for what “Not Yet” might mean. At about that time, I felt I no longer had the clarity to continue performing weddings. I’ll leave that to others while I take my jaded heart back to God. And that’s where I sit today.

So does “Yet” mean some day for me? No. It means that I’ve been humbled. Always and never don’t ring true to me like they once did. I know that God can change the churches’ tried and true practices with a fresh interpretation for a new generation AND I know that we can simply buckle to the demands of our culture, compromising where we ought not. Both of those perspectives have a hearing in the gay marriage debate. Would I bet my soul that one or the other won’t finally win the day?

Not yet.

Comments

[anonymous]

there was a day many, many months ago when i felt like my Father asked me "what do you think would change the world more, (not exactly as shown) the ability to make things as you think they should be, or the ability to truly love?
what do you think i picked?